So while Nick Clegg accepts the inevitable, Ed Milliband cancels that trip to the Scottish highlands and Nigel Forage drowns his sorrows, here are those resignation speeches in full:
Nick Clegg
And now the end is here,
and so I face the final curtain,
My friend (singular), I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case on a liberal friendly Channel 4 comedy program,
I gave Cameron refills,
I offered milk and also sugar,
and more, much more than this, I bought the biscuits.
Regrets, I've had a few,
But then again, fewer than I probably should have,
I did what I had to do and saw the Inside of number 10, which was really cool for me,
I planned each charted course, then lost the plans and improvised it,
And more, much more than this, I had an office.
Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I put myself ahead of you,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I made sure I was not about,
I faced it all with a grumpier face than that internet cat and looked after my ass.
I've cried, I've cried and cried,
I've had my fill, my share of losing,
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing,
To think I did all that,
And may I say not in a shy way,
"Oh ha ha ha ha ha, you never saw that coming when everyone agreed with Nick"
For what is a man, whose back has he got?
If not his own, then he has naught chance of sitting on the front bench,
To say the things he truly feels, might have been a good idea,
The record shows, I gave Dave blows and got done his way.
[not insturmental in anything, solo]
Yes, it was Dave's Way.
Ed Milliband
Ed chose to carve his parody song into the side of Mount Rushmore while adding his own head.
Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spat it out,
I faced it all, I stood some distance from a beggar and more, much more than this, I gave 32p.
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They see me debating,
The economy,
I know they all thinking
I don't know what I'm doing,
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white 'n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white 'n' nerdy!
I wanna roll with,
The Scottish,
But the Daily Mail think they're too pale and ginger
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
I wanna stand for,
the poorer,
But it's apparent I'm too rich and powerful
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
I wanna give to,
The homeless,
But from a distance and only a 10p
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
They see me roll in,
my pink bus,
I know in my heart they think I'm dim 'n' sexist
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
I wanna hang with a hen night,
And now they all let me coz I am a dildo
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
I wanna job with,
my brother,
But so far he's too busy to take my calls,
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
I wanna forget,
that bacon,
But sadly it's still really funny
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
I'm just too white 'n' nerdy
Really, really white 'n' nerdy
Hell yeah!
Nigel Forage
Show me the way to go home,
I'm tired and I want to go to bed,
I started drinking about 10am,
And punched a darky in the head.
Everywhere I roam,
Over land or sea or foam,
You can always here Mike Read singing his song,
Oh foreigners please go home.
They went with busses into battle, they looked young.
Straight of limb, crazy of eyes, rapidly greying
They looked sad at the end against votes counted,
Forage fell with his face to the floor.
They shall now grow old, as we that are left get taxed to death.
Appearances on This Week shall not weary them, nor the One Show spots condemn.
At the going down of the column and the questions of Richard Osman,
We will struggle to remember them.
They will be not laughed at by Have I Got News For You again,
They sit no more on league tables of yougov,
They have not a lot of Labour or Lib Dems,
They sleep on the back benches
