Last Week Tonight Best Bits

In order to increase the general levels of people understanding my references, I've decided to occasionally list some things that I like - especially things I've noticed most people I speak to haven't seen - to increase the quality of your conversation with me. But mainly to celebrate people and things I like. So this time, I'm doing John Oliver. A British comedian, who never really got anywhere much over here, until Ricky Gervais recommended him to The Daily Show host Jon Stewart. After years of writing for The Daily Show and appearing as a correspondent, he guest hosted the Daily Show in Jon Stewart's absence one summer and off the back of that got his own show: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. It's an extremely political show that does serious politics and comedy very well, and because it's HBO - unlike The Daily Show - there's no advert breaks allowing him enough time to delve really deeply into the issues. So here are the 15 best Last Week Tonight episodes, based on how funny they are, how important the story is, and how memorable an episode it was.

15. FIFA

The various scandals of FIFA became a recurring feature of the first two seasons of Last Week Tonight. It's the first episode that I recall getting media coverage and reaction, and also the first I remember trending, possibly because it's a story that has particular impact in the UK, because it's about football. This first clip was shown just before the 2014 FIFA world cup, and I think for many people, me certainly, it is the first time they'd realised just how completely fucking evil FIFA is. I think certainly it's the first time that I had seen so many FIFA scandals detailed in one place. It's eye opening and it's funny, but it's also done by a real football fan and that personal angle helps John Oliver to keep a perspective throughout the piece that means it's angry in all the right places ("The most deadly middle eastern construction project..." is a particularly powerful gag, that deserves a bigger laugh as a joke but brilliantly shocks the audience into silence) but still fun and not having a go.

14. And Now... Roger Ailes

The "And now this" section is a montage of clips, usually a bit fun, taken from national and local news broadcasts - local news anchors doing crap Irish banter for St. Patrick's Day, that sort of thing - and it's usually a bit of a palate cleanser, used to bridge the gap from one subject to another. But this one, which aired in 2016 after the resignation of Roger Ailes as CEO of Fox News following sexual assault allegations, uses just a few very short clips to really paint a picture of just what an awful organisation Fox News is in under two minutes.

BONUS CONTENT: The LMFAO Eulogy (from The Bugle)

When John Oliver found out that LMFAO and Right Said Fred were amongst dictator Bashar Al-Assad's favourite bands it was really funny. So you can imagine his disappointment at LMFAO splitting up.

13. Russell Crowe, the last Blockbuster in Alaska and Koalas

Last Week Tonight and John Oliver have something of a reputation when it comes to spending silly money at auctions on ridiculous stunts so when news around the world was made by the fact that someone spent $7000 on the jockstrap worn by Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man, as part of his infamous The Art of Divorce auction, a lot of people and media companies were asking "Is this John Oliver?" and of course it was. In a lovely move HBO bought a whole load of Russell Crowe's props and costumes and sent them to one of the very few remaining Blockbusters in Alaska, to make it more of a tourist attraction and keep it open.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!! Which is all a great deal of fun, but it was Russell Crowe's perfect reaction to this in a follow up piece a couple of weeks later that is really the best thing about this story when Russell used the money to open the John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Clinic.

12. Coal

This next one on the list is a great example of how John Oliver can often take a very dry subject matter and spin it into 20 minutes of accessible comedy for his audience. This piece on the problems facing workers in the coal industry - who Trump spoke a lot about in his election campaign - has a lot of numbers and economics to get your head around but John does it in a pretty entertaining way. It's also the only time he has so far been - unsuccessfully - sued by the subject of one of his shows and the first time he's received a cease and desist letter and been threatened with legal action. And I think it gives you an idea of how seriously he takes the job that such a threat only spurs him on to lay into the man who threatened him further and the fact that HBO won the case gives you some idea of how well researched all the information they quote in the show is and how precisely they work for script accuracy. You can feel John watching his words when discussing Bob Murray, but still never holding back.

11. SLAPP Suits

And having been sued by Bob Murray, John followed up two years later, after finally winning the case, with a discussion about SLAPP Suits. After Bob Murray sued them claiming being described as a 'geriatric Doctor Evil' caused him more stress than anything else in his life 'an odd thing to say, given that, he oversaw a company whose mine collapse in Utah resulted in the deaths of nine people.' The response understandably has a lot of fun at Bob Murray's expense, while discussing a wider issue of using SLAPP Suits to silence opponents and how that works in a world of comedy, satire and free speech. Of course it all ends in a brilliant celebration in the form of the Eat Shit Bob musical.

Here's the full bit on SLAPP suits

And for those who don't have much time, here's the musical on it's own:

10. Campaign Songs

People who have seen Game of Thrones will know that HBO has a vast amount of money and it's likely that series 8 of the HBO show wont appear on this list, and in the last episode some annoying child you've not cared about for 8 years will take over from John Oliver at the end whether you want it or not or even if it makes no sense.

But to focus on the bit where HBO have money here, it means that they can get some brilliant and big name guests to help make points fun on the show. This episode on the Republican National Convention from the 2016 election campaign, is the first time the show really talked about Donald Trump in any depth. They'd previously ignored him thinking he wasn't to be taken seriously, and while he still isn't to be taken seriously, unfortunately we now have to take him seriously. But rather than give you another long speech on the subject of how awful Trump is, I thought I would just share the final segment of the episode in which John and a range of guests who've had their music used by election campaigns, on both sides, without their permission deliver a catchy message back.

9a. Boris Johnson & The Mating Foxes of Kent

Sometimes it's interesting to see what foreign news programs make of events in the UK, particularly when those events are as completely mental as electing Boris Johnson Prime Minister of the UK. I kind of swerved the clips talking about Donald Trump on this list, as there's little we don't already know about Trump. It's been fairly well documented. The same is true of Boris Johnson but it's interesting to watch this clip anyway. Because it's aimed at an audience who might not be fully aware of Boris Johnson and is on a show that doesn't talk about British politics every week, it's in some ways a complete guide to Boris. It follows his journey to the top of British politics, discusses his carefully constructed public image, his manipulation and his role in some of the reporting and bullshit that led us to Brexit. There's also a couple of good Last Week Tonight pieces dedicated to Brexit itself but we're bored of hearing about that for now.

9b. Brexit Anthem

Ok. Just one brief clip on Brexit because it's a catchy song from an episode before the Brexit referendum.

BONUS CONTENT: Osama Bin Laden Fuckeulogy (from the Bugle)

This clip is not from Last Week Tonight but it is John Oliver from the podcast he made with Andy Zaltzman, sadly John had to give up the podcast to focus on making the TV show. Though the podcast is still going and Andy Zaltzman is an absolutely brilliant host. This clip however is their response to the assassination of Osama Bin Laden for which John Oliver coined the term a 'fuckeulogy' which they would return to when other horrible people died.

8. Televangelists

John Oliver's televangelists episode took a subject I knew and cared very little about and blew my mind. This is not an attack on Christianity or preachers in general, but is a brilliant expose of the way in which televangelists operate and how their greed targets incredibly vulnerable people. It starts mad by showing some of the crazy televangelists on TV, then gets weirder as John Oliver explains how easy it is to set up your own church by legally turning Last Week Tonight into a church. But the absolutely insanest part of this all is the letters he received when he wrote to one of the televangelists asking to join his church.

7. Wax Presidents

A lot of this list is fairly hard hitting political stuff - and I left out the episode about family separation which they did the week of the midterm elections - so it's time for something just plain silly.

The Hall of Presidents Wax Museum shut down and auctioned off their models, and the former Daily Show cast entered into a bidding war against each other to win some. I mentioned before that Last Week Tonight has a habit of spending large amounts of money on stupid stunts, and having found out about Warren Harding's love letters in a previous series, this was irresistible and the Harding movie they made with the wax model is brilliant. Enjoy. It's no politics for once. It's just silly.

BONUS CONTENT: Gun Control Whoop-De-Do (from The Daily Show)

Before landing his own show John was a correspondent on the Daily Show where he often went to meet and interview people about the important issues of the day. It's one of the things I miss him doing on Last Week Tonight. This is a real highlight. The first of a three part series where he tackled Gun Control by meeting a member of the Virginia Citizens Defence League who are pro-guns, and it's just fun to see exactly how quickly John Oliver manages to tear apart his argument.

6. The Dalai Lama

Well I know I just posted a clip of John Oliver meeting Phillip Von Cleave of the Virginia Citizens Defence League so this might seem like it's not a big deal after that, but John Oliver does still occasionally get out of the studio to meet people, and in this clip he interviews the Dalai Lama. There's nothing more I need to say.

5. Gilbert Gottfried reads Theresa May's Brexit Proposal

This is another one where John Oliver talks about British issues. Or rather he doesn't. This is really about a very important issue to the UK, the fact that you cannot use footage from the houses of parliament in a comedy show. That's right. The likes of Have I Got News For You cannot make fun of politicians using actual clips of them in parliament, which you'd think in a democracy would be fairly fucking important. Anyway, when John Oliver discovered that the British broadcast of his show on Sky Atlantic had had sections cut out of it because they showed parliamentary footage, he ran a piece on his show about it being fucking stupid. Of course we in the UK had to enjoy this instead and I think it makes it's point pretty well.

Interesting update to this story: the law has since been changed and it is now legal for comedy shows to use footage of events in the houses of parliament.

BONUS CONTENT: Maggie Thatcher Death Catcher (from The Bugle)

Ok, this is an interesting one, particularly as a fan of a left-wing comedy and for John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman as makers of left-wing comedy. A few high-profile Fuckeulogies after the Osama Bin Laden one Margaret Thatcher died. In this clip, rather than present a fuckeulogy, John and Andy wrestle with the complicated question of whether or not Thatcher deserves one. It's a much more balanced discussion than a lot of the news or the comedy at the time showed.

4. Brett Kavanaugh

Now strangely for a show that's quite happy to put most of it's content on youtube (even against a cease and desist order as mentioned earlier) this episode isn't on there, most likely because rather than break the show down into segments like they normally do, John Oliver dedicated the whole of the episode to talking about one issue: Brett Kavanaugh's appointment to the Supreme Court and the hearing he went through to get there once the sexual assault allegations about him emerged. It's a brilliant argument from John Oliver. The way the media and the panel tried to discredit the victim was laid bare. In one moment they even ask the victim who paid for a polygraph test on her, when she flounders the judges prepare to jump on her, only to have to have it explained to them that it's standard procedure as they well know. The whole process is exposed for being as unfair as it is. But the main moments from this story come from Kavanaugh himself. His defence is frankly mad. He cries over his dad's collection of calendars (weird in itself but also as John points out the dates don't really match), he seems to play some kind of improv game where he has to make up innocent explanations for the clearly drunk or sexual stuff he wrote about doing at college, he gets really angry at the process a few times and even turn his questions back on those questioning him as if accusing them of something. The whole thing is very weird to watch, but I think I learnt something about how to argue a case from watching John Oliver handle this story. He doesn't try to convince you that Brett Kavanaugh is guilty or innocent. That would be pointless anyway. We're all so entrenched in party lines these days that if Donald Trump set fire to a kitten the MAGA fans would say 'he's our kitten burner' or if Jeremy Corbyn was photographed writing the scripts for the last episodes of Game of Thrones, the Momentum crowd would be like "actually we wanted to be underwhelmed by the whole thing. It's better that way." Instead John Oliver makes the point that even if you think he's innocent of all the crimes he stands accused of, even if you think that, clearly his performance during the hearing makes him unsuitable for a role of this importance. It's a logical and reasoned argument. Sorry logic and reasoning are old fashioned things we apparently used to have.

3. Chiitan

Well after Margaret Thatcher and Brett Kavannagh, I think we need a palate cleanser. One of the great things Last Week Tonight occasionally does it take a local story from somewhere in the world and shine some light on it. This is the second time they've mentioned Japanese city mascots on the show, but it's also just completely joyous.

BONUS CONTENT: The first ever episode of Mock The Week

I mean, you just don't get line ups this good on Mock The Week anymore: Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Linda Smith RIP, John Oliver, Rory Bremner and Jeremy Hardy RIP. What a great line up. It's a little rough around the edges because it's only a first episode and also because it's Mock The Week, but it's a rare chance to see John Oliver on British TV so worthy of inclusion in this list. I particularly like the moment he calls out Dara O'Briain (well the writers) for making a very obvious and racist joke. The writers clearly listened to his words, took on board what he had to say about that kind of lazy comedy, and promptly never hired him again and forced him to find work in another country. Boy did we fuck up. Thanks Mock The Week.

2. The Confederacy

Time for a white English man to explain how bad the Confederacy was. This is a proper in depth look at it. At a time when there was a huge debate going on about tearing down statues of figures from the Confederacy, John Oliver pulled no punches in explaining just how bad a part of American history it was for many people. What do I mean by "pulled no punches"? Well he calls it America's Jimmy Saville and that's just the start. For those of us living outside America who are perhaps not so well aware of the history, as I wasn't fully to be honest, this is illuminating. To those who maybe thought "what's so bad? It's just a statue," this is a compelling counter argument. It's particularly interesting when John discusses one of the key problems at the heart of this kind of debate: when people today are confronted with what their ancestors may have stood for.

1. Alex Jones

The horrifically racist, pro-guns, conspiracy theorist, 9/11 was an inside job, Sandy Hook denying American right wing political commentator. Not Alex Jones from the One Show who is not American (everything else there still applies but the BBC keep her in the wrong forum to air it). In the opening episode of the season John Oliver showed a funny clip of Alex Jones ranting about "they're putting chemicals in the water that turn the freakin' frogs gay." Rather than simply ignore it Alex Jones decided to attack John Oliver back on his own show and accused John of making him look like a loon by taking his words out of context. This turned out to be a big and predictable mistake. As John and his team spent the next few months listening to all of Alex Jones' shows and getting to know the full context. In this piece John Oliver presents the full context of the Alex Jones show. Alex Jones goes from seeming like a mad and misguided idiot to seeming actually pure evil. It's obviously personal for John, but it's a lot of fun too this one.

And finally...Here's the sequel to the story of ChiiJohn which was the season finale to the 2019 season.

Ok, and a couple more songs too.

Right Said Fred on Bashar Al-Assad

Weird Al on North Korea

Star Trek: Enterprise: Less is More?

I’ve used lockdown to rewatch season 3 of Star Trek: Enterprise, and it occurred to me how good this season could have been if it was a 13 part story. Unfortunately for Enterprise it came out at a time when 24 part seasons were the norm for American network television, but it was trying to do the season long story-arcs that modern TV has got so good at. As a result there’s a great story here if you look for it. Enterprise was on the edge of cancellation and were surprised to get a third series. It’s remembered as being ok, better than the first two, a sensible change of direction, but there’s also some padding, a handful of forgettable episodes, a handful of irrelevant episodes all diluting the impact of Season 3. I believe if it was a 13 or 15 episode season, as is common now, it could have been brilliant. That in mind, here’s my cut of the series. I’ve used a traffic light system: Green episodes stay. Red episodes go. Yellow episodes are good but not essential (pick 1 or 2 of your favourite yellow episodes). If you’ve not seen season 3 of Enterprise there’s spoilers ahead.

Of course you must also include The Expanse which is the finale to Season 2 and gets a lot of the set-up out of the way.

The Xindi
KEEPER: It’s a pretty solid season opening. Some typical Star Trek fayre. Reminds us what Star Trek is all about, but sets up how this series will be a little different. At it’s heart this is a classic adventure story. But also we meet a Xindi for the first time, we see the council for the first time, albeit briefly, but it sets up a lot for future episodes plus the twist at the end is interesting.

Anomaly
KEPPER: This one sets up the Expanse and the spheres. It also develops things for the characters with Archer being told he will need to bend his morals to survive in the Expanse, and we see the first glimpses of that.

Extinction
LOSE IT: It’s a pretty rubbish mid-season episode. It would be weak in any season but it adds nothing to the overall plot of The Xindi/Expanse story line. It’s definitely a filler episode. The alien city isn't fleshed out or interesting enough to justify it's inclusion, the threat isn't strong enough to sell this episode in a season that's dominated by the Xindi who are a proper threat. It's all just a bit 'meh.'

Rajiin
LOSE IT: Archer picks up a prostitute with special abilities. It’s basically a Star Trek porn parody but without the porn or the parody. It’s a shame to lose the last 10 minutes which are the first time Enterprise has a battle with the Xindi and it’s a real step up for the series’ action scenes. But it’s fairly pointless in plot terms.

Impulse
LOSE IT: I almost kept this one. It’s a good Halloween watch. Zombie Vulcans! It’s overall importance relates to how Trellium D, the substance the crew needs to help them through the anomalies, will send T’Pol mad. You could lose all references to Trellium D and not affect the plot of the season too much. Aside from the fact that later in the series T’Pol gets addicted to using Trellium as a drug, which wasn’t all that exciting as a plot twist anyway.

Exile
KEEPER: This is the one I chose to keep at the expense of Impulse. Mainly because it’s a Hoshi story and Travis and Hoshi are criminally underused in Enterprise. I think they may be the most interesting characters if they were ever given something to do. The main plot is basically Beauty and the Beast but it leads us to some information that gets us to The Shipment and gives us some more details about the spheres.

The Shipment
KEEPER: Wait? Not all of the Xindi are bastards! This episode is crucial in setting up the Xindi relationships between the five species. It forces Archer to confront his prejudice and forces us to think outside the heroes/monsters dynamic it’s too easy to fall into. Also crucially it gives them a lead on where the weapon is being built.

Twilight
MAYBE: This episode sure has an exciting opening sequence with the Earth being destroyed. I am a sucker for an alternative future story. I think there’s great drama in Archer’s inability to remember anything after his injury. There’s a nice dementia parallel here. But really alternative future is why I kept this story yellow instead of condemning it to the red pile.

North Star
LOSE IT: Every other episode of this series keeps telling us how Earth is going to be destroyed and we’re in a race against time to save the world. So let’s stop for a week to dick around in a cowboy western planet. Nope. Any other series this episode would be ok (Basically the exact same plot happens in the original Star Trek anyway) but here it’s just a boring story at the wrong time.

Similitude
KEEPER: This is a very good story. It’s kinda irrelevant in terms of the Xindi/Expanse story, but the point is that Archer is once again forced to make an unethical decision, a decision that would outright be unacceptable and dismissed in a series where Earth wasn’t at stake so if you want to tell this story it has to be part of series 3.

Carpenter Street
LOSE IT: Daniels sends Archer and T’Pol back in time to 2004 where the Xindi are making a biological weapon to attack humanity. It’s kind of a spare weapon I guess, in case the one that blows up the whole planet doesn’t work. The bio-weapon plot is a bit pointless and just padding, and the time travel element is not interesting enough. Also Daniels’s excuse for not going back in time himself is “it would take too much time to do the paperwork” which is bollocks on every level.

Chosen Realm

KEEPER: On the surface this episode might seem a bit tangential to the main plot. A group of religious zealots who worship the spheres take over Enterprise. But it’s worth including because this whole Weapons-Of-Mass-Destruction thing was Star Trek’s way of addressing 9/11. The religious dogma and suicide bombings in this episode are the most on-the-nose this series got to the issues and its worth including for that alone.

Proving Ground
MAYBE: We see a trial run of the Xindi weapon. Which is kinda exciting. This episode is not hugely necessary, but Shran is in it, and therefore I can’t justify getting rid of it. Shran! Despite only appearing in a handful of episodes Shran was one of the best characters in Enterprise, rumour is if they had got a fifth season they would have given him a bigger role.

Stratagem
KEEPER: Well this is the one where we find out the location of the Xindi weapon so it’s kind of essential. It also builds a relationship between Archer and Degra, the designer of the weapon, that will be important later. It’s a pretty good episode.

Harbinger
LOSE IT: I feel bad losing this one. It’s a Malcolm story and he’s almost as wasted as Travis and Hoshi. The conflict between Malcolm and the MACOs is interesting. It’s also the first time we meet one of the Sphere-makers and learn that they are creating the Expanse to make it habitable for their species. BUT that basically just confirms the beliefs of the guys from Chosen Realm and we learn this again from Daniels in Azati Prime, so get rid. It’s slowing things down.

Doctor’s Orders
LOSE IT: This is just a remake of the Voyager episode ‘One’ with the names changed. They probably just got that script and did a ‘Find and Replace’ function. The plot twists are the same and even if you haven’t seen the Voyager episode, the plot twists are blatantly obvious.

Hatchery
LOSE IT: Lose it fast. This one is a mess. The crew find a Hatchery full of Xindi eggs. Captain Archer gets sprayed with some Xindi goop. Captain Archer wants to protect the eggs putting the crew and ship at risk. He claims that the Xindi eggs are unborn innocents and need protecting. The crew all discuss whether he’s making the right decision. “How long are we going to be here?” “Wasting our time.” “I doubt the Xindi would care for human babies if the situation was reversed.” The crew even mutiny and it turns out the goop affected the captain’s brain and that’s fine. Problem is Captain Archer is right and the crew are wrong. The episode doesn’t act like that. But the crew are basically being racist (Archer even asks if the crew would be so happy to let the Xindi die if they looked like humans). The Xindi attacked Earth because they were told humans were savages, saving their children might have been the best way to save Earth. Archer does get a bit psychotic as the episode goes on, but it’s just all wrong. It’s annoying because it’s Star Trek using alien goop to dodge a big issue that caused interesting conflict between the main characters*
*Side note: Gene Roddenberry was always against conflict between the main characters, I understand that, but meh, I still like it, and we aint in TNG anymore. I'll take character development over alien goop any day.

Azati Prime
KEEPER: It all kicks off! Enterprise finds the Xindi weapon and Archer pilots a mission to go get it. Daniels reveals that the Xindi are being played by the Sphere Builders and that ultimately humanity and the Xindi would work together in the future to destroy the Sphere Builders. Crucial information for the plot. And lets talk about that battle scene at the end of the episode. One of Star Trek’s most impressive. Explosions left right and centre. The ship torn up. Loads of crewmembers killed. It is actually epic.

Damage
KEEPER: And the aftermath of Azati Prime. Damaged Enterprise in tatters with lots of deaths. The Captain comes back with a message, they must get to a meeting with Degra with their proof that the Sphere-Builders are behind all this. With morale at an all time low and Enterprise broken with no engines, Archer is forced to break his moral code again to raid an innocent ship and steal the warp technology he needs to make his meeting on time.

The Forgotten
MAYBE: This one is worth keeping for Trip’s dealing with grief, but that stuff is neatly addressed in ‘Home’ from Season 4 which is like the debrief after the mission, and can be fitted in elsewhere. In terms of the Xindi it’s the admin episode: Archer convinces Degra and the Arboreals to help him, but since he still has to convince the council, I would argue that you could combine the plot of this episode and The Council into one tighter, more action packed episode.

E²
LOSE IT: This might be controversial. Before I started my Enterprise rewatch I checked out a few lists of the best episodes and this was on a lot of people’s top 10, but…it’s ok…but it’s basically a remake of the Deep Space Nine episode “Children of Time” which did the same story better. Again, you won’t be missing out any plot points by skipping this episode. All it adds to the story is the Enterprise’s journey through a corridor. If you’re a deep person you’re meant to say “The journey is more important than the destination” but it isn’t really here.

The Council
KEEPER: This is the episode where Archer must convince the council to stop the weapon launch. It’s also an episode where we get some more details of the spheres. As I say we have already seen a lot of this evidence in The Forgotten (and it’s been gathered over the previous season's episodes) so I think they could have combined The Forgotten and The Council to make one bigger, better episode. But this has a nice little moment of Malcolm’s reaction to the rising body count of the series, and the launch of the Xindi weapon. So you need to keep one of The Forgotten or The Council and unless they go back and remake it with my notes, this one is more important, because it ends on a cliffhanger that runs into a tight final couple of episodes.

Countdown
KEEPER: This is the tension builder. As the name implies there’s a ticking clock element to this one. With the Reptilians taking the weapon and Hoshi, Archer must convince the aquatics to join the fight before it’s too late. In return T’Pol and Trip must promise to destroy the spheres. This one brings the sphere builders into play properly. There’s lots of action. And it moves all the pieces into position ready for a finale.

Zero Hour
KEEPER: Well you want to see how the story ends right? And this is a pretty good series finale. Action packed. High stakes. A couple of returning characters make cameos. There’s two big battles on two fronts going on simultaneously, as Captain Archer takes a team to destroy the weapon (even if at one point it does look a little bit like it could be a scene on The Crystal Maze) which is now in Earth orbit and ready to attack. Meanwhile Enterprise must honour their promise to destroy the spheres and the Expanse. There’s big explosions, high stakes, phaser fights, fist fights, a slow-mo hero run as everything explodes behind him. It’s a pretty strong finale.

If you’ve never watched it but want to, here’s the 13 episode run I think would work in a nut shell, enjoy:

0. The Expanse (Season 2 finale)

1. The Xindi

2. Anomaly

3. Exile

4. The Shipment

5. Similitude

6. Chosen Realm

7. Proving Ground

8. Stratagem

9. Azati Prime

10. Damage

11. The Council

12. Countdown

13. Zero Hour

Obviously the series doesn’t quite work with all these omissions, I think it’s better because it’s slicker, tighter and maintains an overall higher quality, but there are things in those other episodes that come up again. However in an ideal world if they had been commissioned for a 13 part series the elements of the other episodes that you need would all have fitted into the ones I kept. But in case they don’t:

Dan’s Bonus Episode Idea: Falling between Stratagem and Azati Prime. Since there’s a couple of time travel episodes I cut from this series, what might have been fun would be to make a whole episode out of Daniels taking Archer to the future where the Federation and Xindi are working together. Archer, Trip and Malcolm could be taken to the future, working as observers on the Enterprise-J and forced to work in collaboration with a future crew and also work with their enemies. They confront their prejudices and gather the evidence they need to show the council. Any gaps in the narrative caused by missing out episodes could be squeezed in here. Also what if you relocated the story time-wise to the 24^th Century and put Archer and co. on the USS Titan, Riker’s ship? Now you have a mid-season fun crossover episode, a trailer that will bring back fans whose viewership may have slipped in the first 2 seasons of Enterprise, all the design elements associated with Star Trek that Enterprise changed, and a much better use of Riker and Troi than that fucking awful season 4 episode.

What do you think? Would these cuts make it better? Would they make it worse? Would you change anything? Do you like it as a series in the first place? Will you watch it this way next time? To be honest, as long as I don’t need to watch North Star ever again, I will be happy.

Cut To Black

James Gandolfini last week experienced the final cut to black. 

Oh Spoilers if you haven’t seen it by the way. But you should have seen it by now. In fact I should have seen it before last year, when I eventually did. My initial instinct when I heard the news about Gandolfini was to make some joke about him being clipped by the New York families, but I resisted – at any rate I did two meaningful upset tweets with YouTube clips of him being brilliant – before I made the final cut to black reference. 

The Sopranos was such a massive part of my life last year – for some reason I still think in academic years (probably because I’m not that academic) so I’m talking from July 2011-July 2012 – actually it would have been around this time a year ago that I was sitting down to watch the last ever episode of The Sopranos. In July 2011 I was moving in for a year with some friends and three of us decided to invest in a box set we could spend our evenings watching. The Sopranos was always on, and often top of, lists of the greatest television shows ever and so it didn’t seem too foolish to spend £60 on the complete box set in the HMV sale without having seen a single episode. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect, I probably thought I wanted to see what the fuss was about, but didn’t expect to like it. A lot of the praise poured on The Sopranos was similar to that lavished on The Godfather trilogy from the same genre, and when I eventually gave into the hype and watched those films I was never really a fan. I sat through one and two and cultivated a mild interest in the events that were unfolding on the screen, but to be honest I couldn't really give two fucks about those people. I was interested but not engaged with the characters. That’s the problem with Mafia types they do come across as dicks, largely on account of how much dickishness goes on in their line of work. 

That’s why I love The Sopranos because Tony Soprano wasn't a dick. Well he was a dick. But he wasn't a dick. I mean he obviously was. I mean...oh I don't know. And that's why James Gandolfini, and of course the writers and supporting cast, are so good. I honestly don't know. I spent a year watching this man commit countless murders but damn I wanted him to get away with them. That’s a hard thing to pull off. I was too morally uptight to carry on watching Dexter when I realised I wanted everyone to succeed except that repugnant cold blooded killer. (Yes, I know he has a code. That’s what 98% of the worlds truly evil people tell themselves). 

The Sopranos tagline is "Family Redefined" and that's really quite apt. Really it’s a show about family and Tony's attempts to balance his biological family life with his mafia family is the heart of the show. Roughly equal screen time is given to each and the characters are all strong. Both sides have a range of characters and storylines that are almost as complex as Tony's. Both have people you love and people you hate. I mean, if I'm honest, I find the murderers of the mafia vile, but Id far rather see Tony's fucking sister whacked than any of them. 

James Gandolfini's job is to stride across these two plot lines. He jumps from proudly showing Meadow around uni open days to clipping an FBI informant in the space of an episode, that moral ambiguity is where Gandolfini is amazing. Is his heart in the right place? 

James Gandolfini's death is like so much of The Sopranos all the more horrible because you don't see it coming. For six seasons it's some of the most shocking television I have ever seen. That’s shocking as in surprising, not shocking as in shit by the way, unless you include the scenes with Tony's fucking sister. In any scene where there’s rising tensions between two characters you have to start wondering how long it is before someone gets shot. Christopher being shot is a total WTF moment (apologies for that moronic sounding sentence but its true) and even when you’ve read this, you won’t be expecting it. Leading characters get clipped left, right and centre. Nobody, literally, is safe. And the deaths are brutal. The penultimate episode, which sees shit get real and the characters go into hiding, is the most tense I've been watching TV, because you know someone big is going to die. You know because someone you thought would be around at the end was brutally dealt with weeks before with four episodes left and so nobody was safe to be still alive by the end of it. Edge of your seat is a cliché that's only ever really true of Doctor Who and Deal or No Deal but I watched a lot of The Sopranos resisting the urge to jump right up off the sofa - because I am British, it wouldn't be seemly and we had low ceilings in our basement living room. 

But then there were so many moments of The Sopranos where we were sat back in our seats, tempted to look at our Facebook’s. Sopranos moves fast but knows when to develop slow. So much of The Sopranos is slow and will focus on conversations, meals, family get-togethers and mafia sit-downs. Sometimes they seem to be discussing irrelevancies - a restaurant they like, or a place they've always wanted to visit - but not a word is wasted, it all goes to character development. Nobody is left 2D. The real quiet moments come between Tony and Doctor Melfi his psychiatrist who is helping him deal with his inevitable stress. These would be so easy to make like the interview segments in Parks and Recreation or any other number of audience asides (that's my A Level in drama talking there), you know where they go "of course I think The Sopranos is a totally brilliant and in depth show," and then it cuts to them alone going "I’m totally just watching it because Tony’s daughter is hot." But these are scenes all about restraint. It differs between the totally restrained and the all out "lets fuck" sexual tension. Half the time Tony appears to only be there to play mind games with Dr Melfi, or because he’s bored. Sometimes he wants to discuss his problems, sometimes he doesn’t, and sometimes he wants to have sex with her senseless. So intriguing and deep are Tony’s therapy sessions that eventually Dr Melfi ends up seeing a psychiatrist! (Who, by the way, is a total arse but entertainingly so. He’s pretty well developed for such a minor and knobbish character).

The scenes between Tony and his families can be equally tense, loving, angry, violent and oddly full of sexual chemistry. Long running storylines include him dealing with his daughter moving to college and falling in love with a black(ish) boyfriend, his son’s falling grades at school while acting the big man because of who his dad is and falling in love with a woman with a baby. His constant lies and hiding details of his mafia life and money from his wife and their on/off arguing that ends with him living in the summer house for most of a season is another major story thread. There’s even a suicide attempt in there (another minor spoiler, but again an “Oh shit” moment that’s perfectly done) oh and a bear casually wandering around the garden on a few occasions plus of course his fucking arse-ache of a sister and his controlling mother who, in the first two seasons, seems to be the real manipulative power behind both his families. Not to mention Carmella fancying the effortlessly beautiful Furio.

Meanwhile in Gangster life he has to deal with FBI informants and investigations, Christopher’s drug use, his (quite sensible) trust issues with all of his crew, his senile uncle junior whose carer Bobby is going out with his fucking sister, his numerous affairs with many exotic foreign women, the gangs of New York and Carmine Lupertazzi and lil’ Carmine (which sounds like a ventriloquist act but is far more threatening in the show) and Phil Leotardo, Vito being gay, numerous murders and sit downs and debts to be repaid. Oh and being shot by his own senile uncle. Probably the best quiet slow moment from the mafia side of things – and there are loads to choose from – is the FBI listening in to  Pussy crying in the toilet at Tony’s house party because he’s wearing a wire and supplying them with evidence. I feel like I should say for crying in the toilets he lives up to his name, but he really doesn’t, he’s actually quite a brave but weak character and Tony’s best friend, who is crippled with guilt and shame because of what he’s doing and overcome with fear, so rather than make any kind of cheap joke, I’m just going to celebrate this awesome character and say I love Pussy. Damn.

A lot has been written about how violent and sweary The Sopranos is, which is wrong because they missed out the huge amount of fucking that goes on. And a lot of people have talked about how deep and developed the characters are, but there is yet even more to The Sopranos. At times, it can be just plain weird. A couple of episodes take place almost entirely in dreams, which like dreams are complicated, full of imagery and make less sense than the decision to put Russell Brand on Question Time. One memorable image that turned up haunting my dreams afterwards is Pussy reincarnated as a talking fish (a sentence not used often since Salvador Dali’s attempt to write erotica). Of course these all delve deep into the psychology of the dreamer and push forward how we see Tony – the talking fish Pussy really pushes forward our understanding of their relationship and makes what happens next more interesting and bloody – we just need a commentary track from Sigmund Freud or an English student who paid more attention than me, to get through some of this imagery. When Tony is shot and spends three episodes in a coma, he has a weird Life On Mars type experience where he learns to live life as Kevin Finnerty, a travelling salesman – Gandolfini playing Finnerty but not really knowing whether he’s Tony or Kevin is pitched brilliantly by the way, since I was meant to be praising Gandolfini when I started this now seems as good a time as any to mention his name again.

The one thing I wasn’t really expecting to be as present in The Sopranos before I saw it, and the thing it seems people still don’t talk about much now, is how bloody hilarious it is. As early as episode two Silvio Dante does his first “Just when I thought I was out….they pull me back in” impression. In a first series where you don’t really know which characters you can trust or like, that brilliant scene pretty much meant that whatever Sil did over the next six years I would be on his side – and to be fair, Sil is by far the most loyal character in there. In one series three episode Christopher and Paulie get lost in the forest when they are sent to do a routine collection for Sil while he is ill. Paulie, angry at having to do Sil’s work kicks off and in the fight they believe they have killed the Russian they were sent to collect from so drive him to the woods to dispose of the body, only to discover he isn’t dead. They force him to dig his own grave but while Paulie and Christopher are arguing he attacks them and  runs off. While looking for him Paulie loses a shoe and won’t shut up about it, while Christopher hasn’t eaten yet today. The whole episode is a hilarious argument between the two of them who think they are going to die out there in the woods. It’s silly and hilarious and witty and one of the most character defining episodes for the two of them.

Christopher is often involved in the funny plotlines. His desire to be a writer is a continuing story and in series six he travels to LA to make Cleaver his movie idea that’s The Godfather meets Saw. Ben Kingsley does a brilliant Extras-worthy performance as himself when Christopher tries to cast him in the film. From that point on, its fun watching the number of times a piece of Cleaver merchandise turns up in the background, or the number of mentions it gets. It’s a wonderful running joke. It’s tragic because it sounds like a terrible film and is Christopher’s hope for a way out of the mafia life, but it’ll never happen because it’s not good enough or because the realities of his mafia life always bring him back down.

Also, the Curb Your Enthusiasm scene is as funny as anything Curb has done itself.

The best scene of The Sopranos comes in series four in a story where Christopher’s drug use gets out of hand. The crew gather to stage an intervention and it’s less than sympathetic. As always Tony, Sil and Paulie steal the scene.

Obviously I can’t talk about The Sopranos without mentioning the end. I’m going to steer clear of any big plot spoilers but I am going to talk about the last scene and the big thing that happens. It’s been parodied everywhere – in fact I saw the Family Guy two part episode Lois Kills Stewie halfway through watching The Sopranos so thanks for that McFarlane you fucker. What I’m saying is, if you already know the thing that happens at the end, then you don’t need to worry, I won’t reveal more than that. If you don’t know it, skip to the bottom where I’ll post a video of James Gandolfini in In The Loop just for you.

So, that last scene, I have to talk about it. At the end of the episode Tony goes to a diner to meet his family and puts Don’t Stop Believing by Journey on the jukebox. You have to remember that this is before it was cheesy overplayed oh-you-know-the-song-from-Glee and watching six seasons of The Sopranos is the best cure for anyone who is sick of hearing that song. Everything is over, the story is largely rounded off and Tony sits there and orders some onion rings. A number of dodgy looking customers come through the door and Tony has his eye on them all. Then he is joined by his wife and son and they have a normal little chat about life and their plans. Meadow is on her way, but has been to see the doctor about her birth control – ooh, clearly setting up something. Typical woman, she is struggling to park her needlessly large car outside. Meanwhile Tony, AJ and Carmela shoot the breeze a bit more about AJ’s entry level job, as Tony keeps an eye on the suspect customers, one of whom enter the toilets. Meadow has finally parked the car. Inside at the table the onion rings arrive. Outside Meadow crosses the road to the restaurant. Inside Tony, AJ and Carmella tuck into the onion rings and then

End credits roll.

First time it was shown half of America thought their TV’s had broken in the middle of the most important bit of TV drama of the decade. Some love it. Some hate it. Some think it was a waste of six years of their lives. I love it. After six years of stunning, shocking twists they did the one thing that could still shock us. They could have had them having a lovely meal and vowing to live a normal life – that would have been a lovely and we kinda want to see that, but it would hardly be exciting. They could have killed Tony and garnished the onion rings with a side of brain meat in front of his screaming family – it would have been what he deserved, it may have felt right, or wrong, but it would hardly have been gripping. Nothing happens, it about the most dramatic and risky twist any TV show can pull and The Sopranos has the cahonas to do it.

And now, as promised, James Gandolfini in In The Loop vs. Malcolm Tucker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwGZinTeodc